Anyone that spent a lot of time growing up, going inside a hospital for extensive physical therapy, every time they grew, might relate to this, hence life inside and outside. My questions for those that can are: How did you manage to mentally prepare for going in and then going back out? Were you treated as if you had something wrong with you when you were inside going through PT and then once you were back out, where you were back to being treated like everyone else?
Aside from various surgeries/casts/recoveries from those procedures, every time I grew, I would tighten up. Which meant I needed to get stretched out and from the naked eye, some might think, damn that sounds like it would feel great and be relaxing in a way. Let me tell you, it was far from feeling great, and very far from relaxing.
An example of what I am talking about, say went I first started therapy my left leg could straighten to 55 degrees on my mown, my right 50. By the end of two weeks, my left could go to 10 degrees and my right to 5 from physical therapy. Now to get even a better understanding of what this means: say your legs both can straighten to 0 degress straight, we are now going to make them go 55 degrees further. Oh, and if it was during the school year, I also had to keep up with my school work, so that when I got back to class after two weeks in a hospital, I wasn’t behind. This is not a complaint or whining about what I did, it is strictly telling you the facts from my own perspective. It wasn’t just me knees though, it was my ankles, knees, hips, elbows, and hands, pretty much every joint was being stretched and pulled on.
Although I rarely let them do much with my hands, neither did my parents, being that I was able to draw and write so well, there was no need to force anything on my hands. They may look different then the usual but there is definite talent in them so why mess up a good thing. 😉
So, after two weeks inside, i would go back outside, where i dealt with all the childhood issues everyone faces growing up. It was nice to get cards from classmates and such and I definitely believe that me being treated on the outside like there wasn’t anything wrong or different about me was a good thing. It did however play a messed up role on my behaviors though. It never really stuck as a kid though, mainly because I found solace and my own mental grounding in my artwork. In fine tuning my craft, being creative, and escaping into a mental space that wasn’t either inside or outside. It was mine.
I do believe however that it has made me slightly an odd person to hang out with at times. I am not usually the one to strike up random conversations, especially if something else is bothering me. This behavior has always sort of plagued me in a way and I can notice when it makes others uncomfortable, it’s just not uncomfortable for me and makes it some what difficult to explain. I do feel that it stems from going through all of that growing up and I can truly say that I never want to do that ever again. Like how I have heard people say, man I’d love to be a kid again, f$ck that, no thanks!
I didn’t really go into much detail of the procedures of extensive PT, mainly because then it begins to feel like I am complaining about it. Maybe thats just in my head, truthfully, without having gone through all of that ‘hell’ of PT, every time I grew, I may not be in such a good condition that I am in. Although aging and having joints and bones degenerate lately is not something I can control and probably could not have ever prepared for. Not sure who could actually. I can go into details if people want me to, just ask. I am not shy and will explain anything about any of my topics I write about in full detail if you want to read it. Feel free to ask me anything, anytime.
2 thoughts on “Life Inside Outside”
Hi. I’ve started doing some research online as I’m starting to deteriorate …a lot. I’m a 58 year old lady (lady sometimes lol). It’s comforting to find others going through the same things. I’ve been so independent all my life, so I’m struggling with the reality of losing said independence. The Internet is a wonderful thing.
I’m glad this is helpful for you, stay strong 😉